Reflections on Super, Superman

You wanted to know why

It is the way you put your green clay face mask on?

Or sprayed magical mixes of essential oils perfuming water

On my bare uncosmeticised face?

Or the way we both wore our long black coats?

And my hand had to reach up to your hand?

While Passer bys would look all the way up your majestic height?

Your, glassy crystal eyes of blue like a spring sky reflected in the sea?

Your hair blonde and straight, you had cut like Brad Pitt?

And all the way down to an electric contrast

Of my dark, curly hair and honey brown eyes?

Yes, but we both wore dark coats’

The giggles could be heard

And it made me giggle too

Your professional and specific way to bait a fish?

But then the fish once caught,, trapped in a polystyrene trough

Of iced water

When you looked after yourself you were beautiful

Charming and generous with your H infused, concentrated

Attention to detail

Super super man

With super super powers

And your old and sagging jeans and stained shirts revealed the fact you couldn’t look after yourself most of the time

Your nodding eyes lids could know longer see this world through their pin pricks

Then sometimes I felt like a mother wiping away your tears

For the pain I intuitively felt you chose to escape through the image of a poppy tattooed in scars 
in the centres of both of your inner arms,

And in my chest

I justified to a friend that I was staying for a short while only

Just to help you in your declared wish to rid yourself of your Super man perspective

And enjoy all the benefits

But the truth was I didn’t know

I was never a diver

I dipped my toes in where the sea met the sand

And couldn’t help but notice the lack of your cerebral presence in the wakened reality

A lack of involvement with joys obtained simply

You took it to heart I sensed it.

It hurt you

And because of that we played chess and I let you wipe out my queen with your bishop

And I dreamt you were cooking my ovum to eat on toast,

so casually

After that I chose impossibilities

With my demand for respect, but never for permanence

Maybe I’ve always been slow to commit

But hypnotised by charm or talent and sometimes both

Did you love yourself enough in the end?

I sometimes still think and wonder about you

And how the tears riveted all the way down your long cheeks

You thought my shroud was of colours true

And you had caught me out

But we were both just reflections hiding behind the glass we were trapped in

And the rips in our skin cells formed a tougher shield

Because of you I swapped my boots for heeled shoes and pantyhose

I wore lipstick for the first time

With that alizarin crimson that worked so well in my paintings

But within the context of my skin gave me the garishness of an impostering clown

So, I learnt the about the game players

As I became expert at discovering their strategies

And saw through their motives so savvily

That I would only chose those whom were so very clever

That they could earn the right to say Check mate

Then the Goddess skipped in making me doubt my own thoughts

So I was again vulnerable

And Aphrodite showed me how to stand in a shell

And I loved again

And again

And again

(C) Jayne McClure 2021