Recipe for Regret

For best results, knead as hard as you can -

on your confidence, your screen, your bucket lists.

Let their pressure overwhelm you, mold into you,

until you have to use a knife to carve the batter from your hands.

The less time you have, the harder this step will be.

Oh, yes - and add an excess of expectations.

Idealism is good, in moderation.

It helps you imagine the wonders you can prepare.

But you need to quadruple it in order to truly taste the effects.

Let it show you how the recipe should work, what it should become,

so that if the bake disappoints you, you disappoint yourself.

(This is how you make the recipe worthwhile:

ensuring it always, always matches my description).

Oh, and spice the mixture up with some perfectionism.

Delicious, mouth-watering perfectionism.

You have to find the best brand, or the recipe won't work.

Just think of all the millions of things you have to do right,

in order for this dough to satisfy you!

Think of all the measurements you must take before the timer runs out!

When the spice burns your tongue, you'll know you have enough.

Finally, if you're looking to serve more than one,

I'd recommend adding a generous pinch of disconnect.

What do other people's recipes matter, anyway?

My version, and the one you'll replicate, tastes the best long-term.

You've got only to focus on your dough of pressure and ideals,

how it smells so nice with the perfectionism,

and when it rises, when you take those heavenly bites,

how the opportunities around you lose their flavor.

Nothing compares to my design.

You'll understand this as you get comfortable with the recipe.

Note: Now that I've written this down for you, I'm jealous in advance.

I trust you'll bake it just right. The steps are crucial, after all.

But really, you'd better do everything exactly as I've instructed.

You don't want to be like those amateur bakers who stumble and make the faulty dough their own.