Ramblings of an Insomniac

After an hour of yawning, it's time to rest my eyes say, I decide it's time to climb into bed and sleep away the stresses of the day.

My head hits the pillow as I pull my blanket up over my body and close my eyes, inviting the blissful beauty of sleep to quiet my daily cries.

Thirty minutes pass, then an hour. The yawning has stopped and the blessing of sleep continues to elude me, as my mood begins to sour.

Then my mind begins to race with stories and topics to write about, as it begins to build and recite line after line, providing the perfect writing route.

I try to resist the ideas coming to my mind at a speeding pace, trying to keep myself warm in bed, but thoughts of "what if I forget these great ideas" ultimately make the case.

Reluctantly, I crawl out of the warmth of my bed, I get in front of my computer and prepare to write, then suddenly, my mind blanks, all of the wonderful ideas have left my sight!

I try to remember the pieces I recited in my head, but one after another, they are all gone, poof! The moment I left my warm, cozy bed.

My mind has another idea though, as I sit awake now and consider going back to my slumber, "lets go over all bills piling up, and all the ways you've failed with a list by number."

First, let's talk about how you're behind on your mortgage, car and every other other bill. Second, we'll go over how you've failed to find a stable job for months now and your dreams are all going downhill.

Every failure put on display, running through my mind as anxiety and PTSD bring all my struggles and fears to life. The hours of night continue to pass as insomnia keeps stabbing me awake with a knife.

What began as inspiration to write, has now become an image of me crying, frustrated with the thoughts tormenting me in my head. Now, all I keep thinking is "For fucks sake, I should have just stayed in bed!"

© 2024 Luna Verity