Rainbow Within

Rainbow Within:

I am a wary human in this world

Just a small-town girl

So scared of life

So scared to celebrate pride

These walls built up

Due to toxic times

It was no joke that I became quite frightened of some folks

They packed my soul with shades of grey

Those were not the shades I had desired to take

But all my colors had been drained

One day I woke up from a nightmare of hate filled rage

Bashing my brothers head in for being gay

Over and over

In the cement

Till his death

My heart was racing

But I was preserved in fear

While back in reality

This happens year after year

Then some other time

A guy pulls a knife

Seeing rainbows on our chest

Rendered him rather unrest

Screams erupt from his mouth

You F***ing fruit loop!

Then charge, face red, eyes darker than night

I start running for my life

The look in his eyes was a horrifying sight

But as I flee all I can see is this disease

Societies misconceptions

Will surely be the death of me

I survived

But another time soon arrives

Out and about

Minding ourselves

All was going well

Until those around us started to tell

Fear settles in and we become the source of sin

Dirty stares everywhere

And a chill runs down my spine

I start to fear for my life

Am I on fire?

What else could be so dire?

Take a picture I want to say

It will last longer than today

Oh how I yearn to be stronger

My compliance turns to silence

And I ponder

Am I the monster?

I can’t imagine shining bright

Or showing pride in the light

I just want to blend in

Not face rejection of a friend

Not speak up

Not risk getting shot

Why can’t the other side just see the intersectionality?

When will they understand?

When will I be safe?

Every day I am so afraid

Of those who wish us the worst

Of those who wish us to hurt

Scared to celebrate myself

Scared to stop reveling in this self-doubt

When serious times arise

I hide quietly inside

Terrified

Of the adversity I may face

If I leave my safe space

Family ties aren’t always right

And friends don’t always accept what’s deep inside

They don’t get to see me up all night

Fighting myself and my mind

Accepting love is my creed

But oh what an unending deed it has seemed to be!

I have stood as a coward

Trying

To find my power

Striving

To overcome

Fighting myself to use my voice

To make the choice

To Articulate

That love will overtake hate

So what would happen if I let my colors show?

If I let myself become exposed?

Would eyes of despise arise with whispers always close behind?

Would I lose everyone in sight?

Would I constantly be fighting for my life and my equal human rights?

But what else am I to do but fight for my truth?

Gotta risk it to live

Someone’s gotta give

I have been so full of fear

To let my true colors appear

I’ve remained afraid

Replacing my hope

With hate grown in shame

That I let consume my colorless days

But the time has arrived

To show my true colors inside

I will no longer hide

I am rainbow within

Ever sense I was a kid

And I should not have to fear that I may die

Just because I decide to show my pride

And I will let these words fill my soul

Until it shows from head to toe

I am rainbow within