Promises, Promises

There are four types of promise makers.

The first is the one who makes promises they have no intention of keeping. They tell you what you want to hear to get what they want. These are the manipulators, the narcissists, the gas lighters. The only words supported by actions are those which benefit them in some way.

Second, are those who make promises they have no way to keep. They can’t say no, so they agree to everything and make promises to make others happy. These are the people pleasers, the victims, and the yes people. They do not have the means or capacity to keep these promises, but agree to them out of fear of disappointment. They sometimes speak before thinking, and though some words have actions, there are just too many for one person.

The third promise maker is the thoughtful one. The person who carefully considers all angles before committing to something. They are honest with themselves as much as they are with you. These are the self aware souls, the thinkers, the strong ones. They don’t always think ahead or keep promises, but they are always committed to trying and they communicate. These are the people with strong relationships because their actions almost always back up their words.

Finally, fourth, is the almost promise keeper. This one has good intentions when they speak. Makes promises because in the moment they want it to happen. But these people though honest in how they feel do not keep promises very often. These are the artists, the dreamers, the risk takers. They live from moment to moment and are more interested in adventure than structure. These individuals have busy often chaotic and complicated lives. Many times words are spoken with intention but then lost in the chaos and never backed up with any action.

The thing about these types of promise makers is, with the first three, you learn quickly what you are dealing with. The first you learn is selfish and any interactions or relationships with this person will be one sided. Many times the first type causes the second. The second, you can’t help but forgive and try to support because they are the opposite of selfish and probably a little bit broken. With the third, you will feel the safest and most understood. Then there’s the fourth type…

This one is the most difficult and sometimes confusing to be involved with. They have good intentions and are honest. But when actions never come to back up promises, you start to question their intentions. You begin to wonder where you stand in their life. You can be told you are important, that you mean everything, but what are they doing to show you? Busy, crazy and chaotic lives may effect the ability to keep a promise sure…. But when someone is truly important even the busiest person makes time to prove your importance by keeping their word. The simple reason is when someone matters enough you make an effort to keep them around.

We all fall in different categories and for some their are core personality traits or life events that have placed them in a particular one. But that doesn’t mean we can’t all work towards self awareness and making an effort.

The most beautiful words spoken out of love, passion or good intentions, without action to enforce them…. Are no more than vibrations of sound in the warm air which dissipate into nothingness.