Preamble to the Constitution of the United Vegetables of the Refrigerator Crisper

Author’s note: A friend challenged me to rewrite the preamble to the US Constitution including the phrase “…in order to form a more perfect onion” which for some reason this friend found particularly hilarious. I thought it was kind of cute too and decided to accept the challenge. It was actually fairly difficult but I do like what I managed to come up with. Is it poetry? Probably not. Is it 600+ words? Definitely not, therefore it is poetry.

We the vegetables of the refrigerator crisper, in Order to form a more perfect onion, establish juices, insure daikon Tomatoes, provide for the crisper defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the broccoli of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United Vegetables of the Refrigerator Crisper.