Penance

From nowhere the darkness envelopes my being,

Damning my soul, my heart; my feelings.

Slicing and dicing right at my core,

God, please, I can't take any more.

Throbbing heartbeats; bruising my breast,

Harder and harder, it will not rest.

Why? I try so hard to fight,

My breath is short, my muscles are tight.

Out of control, this time it might take me,

Wringing my hands, my head's feeling heavy.

Depression sneaks in, making me shiver,

The tears rushing now like a river.

I have to sit down, God I can't breathe,

My heart's beating faster, my chest starts to heave.

My eyes piercing darkness seeking a way out,

The voices inside yell and shout.

What can I do? I'm trembling and shaking!

Can't stop to rest for fear I may not awaken.

Fists clenched tight, head filled with lead,

I curl into myself & sink deeper in dread.

I can't look at me, for I am to blame,

Reflection will highlight only my shame.

I must find it, I need that fix,

That small vial; that dose within my grip.

Just one tablet and all will be well,

It will rip me out from under this hell.

Swallow that magic, the pain will unwind,

The drug forcing the spell to unbind.

Keep calm for a moment; let it take hold,

My body beginning to ward off the cold.

The blackness is turning, it is gray now,

Evil can't reign if it can't find a way how.

I'm back in control, even if for a short time,

The life that I lead will never be mine.

It's worse every day, I just can't shake it,

Living each moment until the next fit.

#VocalNPM