Panic

Every time my heart pulsates, so quickly,

It feels like the anxious thoughts prick at my chest.

I become paralyzed in fear,

My only movement is the shaking of my body.

My stomach is twisted in knots,

So twisted that it feels like a wound from a sword.

I keep forgetting to breathe.

It feels like I will faint at any moment.

It feels as though I am about to die, and I hope I do soon.

My eyes widen as though I am caught in the headlights.

I am too ashamed to say how often this happens.

I am ashamed of my anxiety.

I am ashamed that I need sleeping pills.

I am ashamed that I can never be enough for you.

You make me feel ashamed of my mental health.

You have been with so many women, but can you notice me?

I talk about our future. You talk about women from the past.

I am living in constant fear. I have no plans in my life. I built my life around you.

I'm only an option to you, but you are my only one.

I am always tossed aside when I am feeling hurt.

I am in pain already, and you dig the knife in deeper.

I wish that you could notice me.

I only see you. No one else.

I still keep wishing that you could wipe my tears away.

I still keep forgiving you.

I have all of the patience in the world for you.

I would still give my life for you.

I would still do anything for you.