Pain in my own Home

I am jealous of my friends

Jealous because there is no lies behind their closed door

My family has never been perfect

We have never been safe

Safe from others criticism

Our greatest enemies were created through blood

Mothers' family were taught to pick and choose the ones that were meant to stay

They watched as their father loved others

They were used to the parents of their children being separated

So I am greatful my parents have never thought of divorce

Because I don't think I would be able to love them seperately

My mother is nothing without my father

My father would die without my mother

My fathers' family are close knit

But we are always in someone else shadow

So when we needed a break from the darkness

Somehow they all now knew how to share the light

Why is it when my home is broken down

Everyone else wants to share a piece of theirs

My family reflects our home

It is small

With shattered windows and broken handles

My family is trying to rebuild

But it is hard when the bodies are torn apart

Our ground is unstable

The structure is barely holding on

Yet

We were able to throw it all together

Painting it in the brightest of colors

To try and distract everyone from the truth that hides within the walls

When I was younger I wanted my home to be my friends

I wanted my home to perfect

I wanted everyone to be jealous of the house I made with my own hands

Now I am jealous of how my parents are happy with our home

Happy that it isn't as broken and small

As it was when I wanted to paint it black

Now our home is broken but being changed with the blueprints we provided together

And I want to paint it yellow

Because I am finally proud of the home we will build

Even if I do not stay in that house any longer

I will watch it grow with pride

From my own living room.