Only the Highlights

I want to delete the mornings that bring with them a sense of dread,

that sits in the bottom of my stomach,

Heavy and persistent.

Weighing me down like a stone.

I want to skip over the feelings of helplessness,

Of feeling insignificant and alone.

Like there is no one around that can help me.

Like no one can even hear me.

I want to turn up the volume;

I spend every day screaming at the top of my lungs,

Ripping my throat to ribbons,

Shaking glass,

Shattering any illusions that I might be fine.

Yet still, somehow, going entirely unnoticed.

I want to replay the good times.

The moments with friends that I cherish,

The moments with lovers I’ll never forget,

The moments in life, I’ve felt that I’ve achieved something worthwhile.

I want to fast forward to the highlights.

But I’m worried the highlights have already gone.