One thousand bouquets

I can close my eyes & still smell your perfume.

Beautiful, warm, woodsy, home, standing in disbelief in the room,

One thousand bouquets, falling petals.

Running on borrowed time, yet no sense of time, unsettled.

In complete silence my blood still whispers your name.

Life and death are only mere doorways to blame.

A marigold's protection couldn't even begin to uphold.

In my day dreams I have found your face, and traced the folds,

of your never ending smile, and became lost in your green eyes.

I screamed, and bargained to trade places,

but we were given no grace.

I can still see the smoke billowing to ashes

and the glass exploding to glitter in the nights air of ashes.

I tried to save you, I swear I gave it my all,

I ran out of there with you in my arms and nothing else at all.

I still wonder if GOD heard my cries, bargains and calls?

I've tried to remember you before that night,

but the scar cuts too deep whether in the dark or daylight.

Left or right, the memory of HOME, I just wanna be home.

13 years ago today, I lost my Mom, my bestfriend, my home, my everything to the fire.

What I would do for one last conversation, one last hug, my strongest desire.....

That fire still burns, still hurts. But I still smile, I still move forward through the struggle, and I know wherever you are, I am there, and I am home.

They may have taken you from my arms, but never my heart. One day I will rebuild our home, one day at a time, and in the winds I still smell your perfume:)...

I can still see all the pink roses and bouquets of flowers that covered the entire roof of our home after you were killed, in your memory. Even though someone came back nine days later and burned our house to the ground, they will never scare me enough to not rebuild. That is where the title came from for this. One thousand bouquets.

I Love you Mom, May you rest in peace.

Belinda "BeBe" Carmean ..02/09/1958 - 09/18/2008