On Falling Asleep

I need a new fantasy...

Sitting here typing on a keyboard instead of trying to fall asleep,

Cords like black and gray twisted forbidden spaghetti trailing down the stairs. Mmm, dusty.

But I really should be thinking about a proper sleep schedule

Instead of staring at the blue-white light

In exactly the way the experts tell me not to.

I could Google it, sure, but do I need another rabbit hole?

I need a fantasy! The old one's been kinda used up-

I can only get so many adventures out of a fun fantasy before it slides right into porn

And then I get no sleep at all – and neither does my husband

Though we seem to sleep pretty well afterwards! Ahem.

Well, I don't want to wear him out, is all I'm sayin'.

I didn't even get a decent story out of all that fantisizing,

Typical run-of-the-mill stuff, enough to get me to snoozeland,

But not enough to engage a reader. Unless you need a snooze, too?

Here, have a teddy bear, my bed's occupied but here I'll pull up my fainting couch

Plenty of room for you when I move my Pearls of Clutching-

Yeah, doesn't work.

But I got a good tavern name out of it all?

Sigh.

swish swish swish Hubby's in the bathroom, getting ready for bed, toothbrush noises

Honey, can you give me a good fantasy prompt? I need to sleep!

“How about something about slithy toves?

“You know, slimy and lithe, like... something else?”

Ooooh, I see where your brain is going!! Gone? Have been on-being?

Cuddle attack! SOMEbody has curled up behind me!

MmmmMMMMmmMMMM!

I mmmust have an off switch, because SOMEone has seemed to find it!

Mmph. Maybe I don't need a fantasy, when I have a lovely warm body behind me?

A slow, luxirious stretch-

skraatttccchhh sssskkkkrrraaatttccchhh

Dammit. Stoopid talons! I need to trim them!

I don't need them ripping perfectly good sheets apart.

Again.

Later. I'm warming up, relaxing, and there's this lovely deliciously-spicy human behind me,

And he's whispering things in my ear about “gyre-ing” and “gamboling”-

Wait, “gimboling,” poke holes into things, not dancing,

And wouldn't it be so fun to do a re-enactment?

Awwww, Hon, why on earth did you wait till midnight to ask??

I'm exhausted! I just took my meds! Why didn't you ask, like, two hours ago??

When I could do something, before the nightmares set in?

He just chuckles, and slides out of bed, but not before tucking the covers up and down my spine.

He kisses me on the head.

“Good night, love, sleep well.”

Bloody tease.

Damn, the guy's such a sneaky snek.

I guess I shouldn't swear, but hell, it's MY head, I can fuckity fuck as much as I please!

I usually don't, because I'm such a potty mouth in reality.

I wasn't, till college.

It's Ann's fault.

Telling me, on a particularly rotten day, “Sometimes you just call a shitty day a shitty day.”

Aaaaaaaand the floodgates opened.

Not terribly amusing on a Christian campus.

Ah, well, whatever. This is doing nothing in helping me get some good sleep.

Ah, crap, cue the “things you forgot to dooooo!” list, screaming into my consciousness

Like a flock of harpies.

Who asked you??

Yes, I know I have to check the caterpillars! And the bad-colored chrysalis!

I know what I'm going to find – with the chrysalis anyways – so I don't have to look. I know.

I know!

Yes, All the Things I need to do! I am not leaving this lovely warm bed, and this soft pillow -

punch punch punch I said, this soft pillow-

Dammit!

Blasted pillow you WILL be comfortable if I have to take a bowling ball to your innards!

Ffffffine.

Be that way.

I'll just ignore you and use the wedge pillow instead.

Right.

Shoved off the bed, like you deserve.

That's a doorway. That's a ceiling. Yep, haven't moved.

I wonder where my pumpkin necklace went?

Maybe I'll just make some more pumpkins on the glass bead torch, and string a new one.

Two necklaces, really, and I can't find them.

Figures.

I'll look tomorrow, when I do All the Things.

Add it to the list.

Where's my list?

I have paper here in the bed somewhere...

Oh, my notebook's under the pillow.

That I just tossed on the floor.

Eh, so I should be able to find it pretty easy, right?

But I don't wanna move.

I'm warm...

So toasty...

Nice cool weather, touch of moonlight through the curtain...

...

Maybe, just maybe, I should-