Oh my God, you’re so incredibly sweet, you’re my forever, but you didn’t want me

when I close my eyes and remind myself of your face

Oh my God, it’s beautiful.

I picture your high cheek bones, painted light pink against your pretty brown.

I picture your laughing eyes, delicate and full of kisses, kisses I

Tried to plant

With my whispers to you late at night.

I fell asleep thinking one day you’d wake me up, but instead I’ve been only

In living state of putrefaction,

Beautiful living drafts of death—-

And I long to learn your fevers,

I longed to learn your tempers.

I pictured your hair,

Long like a large waterfall, spilling

Onto my naked canvass

Where the result turned out black

And our colors were drained like a deep, heaving sponge in the sea,

Filtering out my loud heart

And only leaving your dry witticisms,

Where I was lurking underneath the double meaning —-

I got lost in your broken entanglement of fear.

I picture you now,

Eyes shut tight,

Taking annoyed, pained breaths

Your beauty more lovely than the first ripened summer peach,

Wrinkled and golden orange brown yellow.

When I close my eyes and picture you now,

You are two different people.

One was a glowing review of laughter, joy and hope, as I was falling apart by the sound of the home telephone phone ringing each day after school

Knowing it was you, and I fell in love with you without

That timeless moment of silence—

Where you and I talk without saying anything

And you finally know how much you mean to me with one look.

The other person is working hard to keep me away,

And hiding in places that are public,

With lots of laughs and lots of pain

and you do look at me but it’s through a strong film of plastic.

Both were alive that day,

When I had my voice travel over to your unwilling ear,

Telling you about how I needed you

So badly, and how much

You were my forever.

I’m

Angry

Now,

No longer available to hear your dry wit,

Because you canceled our friendship

You canceled me, I’m invalid

And no matter who says it’s not true,

I’ll always feel like I’m bad

And that my half broken, frantic heart beat is an obvious inconvenience to all,

Especially to you.

When I try to make up a picture of you, a new picture

It’s one that represents a ghost of incredible passion and lies about

How you’d think about holding my hand.

I didn’t experiment with you.

You felt like a crazy dream,

Of pink blushes and soft rolling curves,

Of sweet soft weather that fell into spring,

And of messy mornings, full of tea and laughter and long breakfasts,

But that sound of our love

Was broken by our combined laughter.

Yes, that kind of laughter.

The one that drowned out all the hours we could’ve spent talking about our future.

The hundreds of hours away from each other,

Yet the whole time, I could hear your voice in my ear,

Like a losing embrace,

A broken glance of closeted, standby affections

And a whimsical, laughing, dreaming forever phone call that forgot to pay the full price of the bill, like a

failed kiss.