Of Course I Could Have Loved You

I wish I could wash out the familiarity of your hands.

When I close my eyes,

I'm back in your Jeep with the windows down.

Sun streaks pouring in,

I'm staring right at love.

And I don’t want to remember confusion as some delicate pattern.

Of course it was different then,

And of course I could have loved you.

In the nature of things then,

You distracted me from myself.

I wish I could wash out the familiarity of your hands.

I wasn’t friends with the reflection,

In clear puddles on the ground.

I chose to go outside, only

When the concrete was sun soaked dry.

You were content

I didn’t wish to be found

I just don’t want to remember my confusion as some sacred romance.

Scents and sunsets, all the

Songs I sang along to.

False memories creep up, even

When you know the truth.

I close my eyes and again I’m staring right at love.

At you,

Love.

But I can't remember confusion as some delicate pattern.

Instead, rinse my mind clean.

Put it in the washer,

Close my eyes and show me dirt,

or muddy messes on my brand new sheets.

I wish I saw myself, rather than the familiarity of your hands.

I found a sense of peace,

In recognizing my own soul

As my own soul mate.

Catch my feelings in clear mason jars,

Look at them in their raw magnified form.

I would rewrite memories if I could.