Ode to My First Panic Attack

labored breaths accompanied by tachycardia

and anxiety strangling me with my unreasonable fears

my unreasonable fears causing a blockage in my windpipe

obstructing proper airflow as panic comes in like a head rush.

hyperventilation soon follows as panic's presence grows

the image of smoke rushing out of the Twin Towers and people jumping replays in my head

replaying in my head.

replaying.

replaying.

replaying.

replaying.

replaying in my head on a never-ending loop

stars dancing around in my visions while

everything

fades

away...

as my vision goes to black, my soul separates from my body

anxiety crawling in like a parasite

puncturing my left lung with its venomous sting

and the poision spreads like wildfire

as the poison spreads, a vicious burn in my chest develops

trying to call out for help but i can't seem to find my voice in this dimension.

i can't breathe. i can't breathe. i can't breathe. i can't breathe.

why can't i fucking breathe? why can't i fucking breathe?

why can't i...

the stern call of "cadet hall" and a hand on my shoulder

pulls my wandering spirit back into its case

but unbeknownst to me, the caring gesture push me over the edge

with a spartan kick to the stomach

and

sends

me

into

hysteria;

the caring gesture force all the negative emotions trapped in my mind's stratosphere

into the busy lobby of the 911 memorial

every countermeasure i attempt fails me

as the burn from the lack of oxygen turns me delirious

the vicious burn along with the overwhelming weight of fear

causes every chain within my mental to snap

and i release a soul-shattering scream.

i don't know what's wrong with me.

I want to go home. i'm scared.

i want my mom.

i don't wanna be here anymore.

somebody please help me.

something within me snapped and i can’t pinpoint my trigger.

my teacher gracefully stepping in to take me away, but i know the damage is already done

my teacher gracefully stepped in to take me away, despite

the

stares

from

my

peers

and

my

worried

girlfriend.

gracefully taking me away from one source of my panic

while pushing me deeper into the next with another scream,

the parasite named anxiety has attached itself to my brain.

and it hasn’t left since.