Ode to Canned Creamed Corn
For Donna and Paul
What perverse, sadistic bastard
Woke up with his head on backward
And decided to pronounce you table fare?
Was he cleaning the disposal,
Saying, “Yum! It's so mucosal
And just look at all those mushy bits in there?”
*
I sincerely hate to lecture,
But the sad truth is, your texture
Is like something from a tissue in the trash,
And pray tell me, where's the flavor
That my taste buds love to savor
Of those crunchy nuggets someone had to smash?
*
Where's your cob? You've left it barren!
If you're on my plate, I'm swearin'!
(As if you could even stoop to stay in place.)
You're a horrible creation,
An evil abomination
And I'm not about to stick you in my face.
*
Please, begone, you slimy outrage
Made of yellow chunks and mucilage!
Go back to the sink you came from underneath!
If I must be forced to ingest
Corn that I don't have to digest,
I would rather wait until I have no teeth!
***
So, two great creators, Paul Stewart and Donna Renee came up with a personal challenge: Write a poem, story, letter, etc. for a food you hate. Then they told me I could play, and anyone else who wants to.
(As you may be able to tell, creamed corn in a can is not one of my favorite things.)
*** Wanna' take a shot at it? Just write a poem or story, or letter, etc. to a food you hate. PLEASE, LEAVE A LINK TO YOUR STORY IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. BETTER STILL, LEAVE IT IN THE COMMENTS ON DONNA'S STORY, LINKED BELOW. THIS IS GOING TO BE A HISTORICAL, HYSTERICAL SERIES AND YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT OUT!
Here are the stories from the instigators:
Donna's, for love (not) of marshmallows:
Paul's, written for almond milk:
About the Creator
Dana Crandell
Dad, Stepdad, Grandpa, Husband, lover of Nature and dogs.
Poet, Writer, Editor, Photographer, Artist
My poetry collection: Life, Love & Ludicrosity
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Isle of Manifestations
Author's Note: What do you do when a friend and one of your favorite Vocal creators suggests you use your weird Facebook cover photo as inspiration for a poem? Personally, I do as I'm told. Thank you, Cathy Holmes, for the marvelous suggestion and I can only hope I've done justice to the idea. (I'm not sure how my mind went on the journey it did, but here's where we ended up!)
By Dana Crandell3 years ago in Poets
Comments (22)
Well said. :D
Hahahaha!!! 😂 gagging!!!
LOL!!! Corn, that's a no way!!! Love this!!!❤️❤️💕
Now this one I totally agree with. Why would anyone do that to corn. Give me the cob, don't mess with my corn.
Oh wowww. I can see that you despise creamed corn much hahahaha. I've not had creamed corn before but I don't like anything mushy so I guess we're on the same team, lol. Loved your poem!
Stellar work Dana! So entertaining! 😁
I must admit, it's not my favorite. I'm talking about cream corn, not your story. I may toss my hat into the ring with a story about my nemeses, fish! well done!
🤣 the beginning of this one is my favorite! These are fun!
I love this...and I am tempted...(squash, you've been warned)!
omg, that's HILARIOUS! And here I thought I was the only one turned OFF by this unsightly mess they try to pass off as food. Thank you for the smile of the day.
Excellent!!!
Bravo! 👏🏼 Creamed corn is disgusting, good choice there. For those who haven’t been subjected to it, you perfectly described why they should pray they never are. I like the image you chose and the use of “abomination” too!
'Sup D-Bud ~ You got me Giggling in Big-Chunks - As you 'Smash' away from the 'Art-Buffs' this time ~ J-Bud
😂😂😂 and 👏👏👏 and 🤢🤢🤮. I’d rather eat baby food or even rocks, than an ancient can of swirling mucous! Well done! Loved it!
I've never tried this, neither did I even know it existed... But I can honestly say that with this poem, you have succeeded in creating an invible force field that will come up automatically if I ever see creamed corn.
What a hoot. I about gagged at some of your descriptions...well done
Omg I’m still laughing 🤣🤣🤣. It really is one of the absolute WORST textured foods imaginable!! Also, I picture this for some reason as the King in Hamilton singing it onstage in rage to the audience 🤣🤣🤷🏼♀️
Haha. This is great. And yuck!
Well done, Dana, and I am on board with your sentiments. I bet the top donated cans at food pantries are creamed corn and split pea soup. Blech! 🤮
Very funny and clever ! 😂 “Go back to the sink you came from underneath” made me laugh!
Hahahaha, this is so good, Dana.! The Corn Kid would agree with you... it's gotta be on the cob with butter and salt, or not at all, thank you very much.
Oh this was so good. Like professionally good. Like poetic af good. I tip my hat to you and love the fact that you stuck with the mucous-theme throughout. I've never had canned cream corn but it always gave me the feeling it would have that kind of texture. Well played, sir, well played!