NUMB

Sometimes i sit in my dark,humid room and wonder

If everything ends in death, why bother?

Why try hard to do everything in sequences?

Why always trying to match people who match your frequency?

There is a exhaustion that travel around me

Emotionally, physically mentally and even motivationally

I feel like I am buried underneath a collapsed building

Can someone convince me that life is really worth living ?

I know I should be grateful for what I have

But should it make my pain any less dwarfed?

Sleep? I don't even know what that is anymore

I am scared of what might show up in my medical check up

I don' t want to feel anything anymore

Just want live on numbed nerve roots

I don't want to live with a heart all open and sore

Sometimes i randomly collapse,i don't know who i am anymore

At night with one sip and it feels like i am talking too much

Trying to make them feel like pain, poking voodoo dolls

Watching them see different images of me, like my life is a TV store

Bungee jumping without the desire to bounce back up

I feel present but not there,all the time

Then fake a laugh so no one know what's happening inside

Here is the kicker, i don't even know either

But it feels like i dine everyday with a grim reaper.