Not yours

You left my bed, but you also left marks on my skin and an ache in my heart.

Unspoken words on deaf ears. The look in your eyes as you watched me is different now.

I used to see it in your face and feel it in your touch that you loved me. But it’s not the same.

Days pass by and speaking to you is enough. I’m ok, a little bit of distance makes the constant noise of missing you dull down.

But then again you are here, pulling me to you, kissing me and leaving me speechless.

It starts the cycle once again, wondering what the fuck am I doing?

You leave and I start to miss you again, being in your arms.

I realize you create this faux sense of security. Physically giving me what I crave most. But in the light of day, nothing’s changed. Away you go to live your life as if I’m a ghost.

As a Scorpio I have an inane ability to shut off emotion, and when I’m done, I’m done. Yet somehow you hold a power over me and don’t let me shut the door.

It’s been a year since our relationship ended. We have very different ideas of how to move forward. I wanted a life with you. You wanted me on the side.

Today felt different, the bruises left on my body through passion no longer bring me enjoyment. They piss me off.

You marked me as if I’m your territory, but you threw away the right to call me yours.

I deserve someone that’s proud to call me theirs, who celebrates that I’m in their life. Not this faux love that hides behind closed doors.

I may not ever be able to turn off the tap on my feelings where you are concerned. But I choose to protect myself, to not let you mark me anymore. I’m not yours.

Though as I write this tears fall down my face. With each drop I promise myself, no more.

Not yours. Not anymore.