Not Happy (...Shirley!)

i'm selling umbrellas

that i bought

off a bloke

on the internet

got a good price

and a bulk discount

and

i

got em

delivered

to my door

[an unspecified amount of time later]

oh look! it’s raining

cats and fuckin dogs

and me with all these brollys to sell

what are the fuckin odds?

and now it's still raining

its really pissing down

no one wants to get wet

no one wants to drown

i'm cashing in on unfavourable forecasts

i'm cashing in on constant seasonal shifts

i’m cashing in an unhappy weatherman

i’m cashing in on chancey precipitational grifts

i'm cashing in on inclement conditions

i'm cashing in on staying dry

i'm cashing in on all this moisture

i’m cashing in on damp misery from the sky

i'm cashing in on unforeseen weather fluctuations

i'm cashing in on the rain

i'm cashing in on another wet day

i'm cashing in on “climate change”

i got an umbrella hat

i got a yellow plastic mac

i got heaters in my sox

i got some floaties in a box

i got this