Nightmares in my bedroom

The room I slept in and never felt good,I just Stayed because It's the only roof I knew and was sent to as a kid I never had any time to be a kid just time as an adult. Every room was like sitting in a room with the one light on like I was under the surgery table But it wasn't tools cutting me open it was perverted hands opening and taking advantage of my child like innocents. Noticeable faces and untrusted hearts, my mind trying to figure out if what happen to me was a pleasure for me or was I just feeding my predator lust appetite? Most kids are scared of the monster under their bed but these freaks of monster come out of closet and used me and a adult toy and a kid. My body strong but my mind trashed and filled with trash thinking but of what I had to learn to accept I learn to lust no love.I one day confronted my predator and ask why you used me like this and the lie that came from her mouth acting as if it never happen hurts and hunted me me for years. The male predator I still have anger and rage towards him, they say the only revenge is to move on and become more success but I only feel I need to come to blows with him as a response to the protection of my childhood I never had. Wondering in life now how much more peaceful would my healing be if this nightmare never came into this bedroom or if I was more protected to stay out of theirs