National Caregivers Day

Unfortunately, I have much experience as a care giver. I have lost two wives to pancreatic cancer. They were both beautiful, wonderful people with kind, loving hearts who had life taken away from them much too soon. I was with them both at the very end after doing everything that I possibly could to help prepare them for the inevitable and provide them with any and all the comfort I could. As a caregiver, I became highly aware of their every need and did whatever was necessary to provide it for them. It was life changing for me in many ways.

Accepting the responsibility of giving care

To someone who’s suffering because life is unfair

Takes selflessness and fortitude,

Empathy and attitude.

You know that you’re caring for someone in pain

And praying that you’re not doing it in vain.

You must wear a smile as a defensive mask

To disguise your anguish with every unpleasant task,

And sadly, the worst one is helping them not to fear Death

As you hold their hand when they take their last breath,

Assuring them about the Peace crossing over brings,

And God Willing, they will get to pull the strings.

And I truly believe that they do get to “pull the strings” and that I have a pair of angels perched on my shoulders watching over me. I have no doubt that they both felt that they needed to help me find someone who would help me become the best version of me and be what they were not able to be because our time together was cut short. Mimi found Arleen. Mimi had accountability issues and recognized that they were a weakness, so she sent me someone who would hold me accountable at a level I had never been to. And just to make sure that I knew that it was her who did this, Mimi found me a woman with the same name as my mother (Arline – same name different spelling) just to make sure that it would be awkward for me during intimacy. I assure you that I never cried out in the throes of passion “Fuck me Arleen.” I can hear Mimi cackling right now. And Arleen found me Seva. Seva has brought to my highest level of accountability, is responsible for me shedding my worst habits and people that were taking advantage of me, and has me being the best version of me. The probability of one person being married to two people dying of pancreatic cancer is very low – lottery odds. And after being on the wrong side of those odds, I still had faith that something could happen in my life that would be on the right side of those odds. And it did happen - Seva. How does a sixty-five year old Jewish widower from Cleveland, Ohio meet a fifty-six year old woman from Baku, Azerbaijan (I had to Google it the night we met), a former Soviet republic and a secular (albeit very progressive and enlightened) Muslim country? Someone was pulling the strings for that to happen for sure and I am sure that God told Arleen to take the wheel and make it happen. She’s grinning ear to ear very proud of her accomplishment.

So, my advice to anyone who is in the same position that I was as care giver in a seeming less hopeless situation, KEEP THE FAITH. You will find the strength to do what you need to do and knowing that you can do it is a reward in itself, but also know God will bless you for doing the most difficult thing that you will ever be asked to do.