Narciso

you said I was a bad girlfriend

that your mommy thought I’d disappoint as a wife.

that I wasn’t obedient,

that I didn’t clean well,

that I wasn’t taking care of you

the way you deserved.

I didn’t give up my life,

didn’t place you on a pedestal,

so you made me feel unworthy—

convinced me I’d never find better,

that I could only come second.

but you didn’t stop there.

for you I was but a puppet,

a servant for your convenience,

paid in breadcrumbs of affection:

a well-timed glance,

a promise, a touch of warmth,

a bouquet of roses.

you used me and abused me

until there was nothing left

but the shell of who I was before.

you gaslit me

until I thought I was crazy.

for your friends and family

I was that.

the crazy girlfriend who keeps you on

a short leash,

the poor guy other girls feel sorry for

because you still choose to be with me.

Or— that's how you told it,

but this is what I know:

I was young, foolish, inexperienced—

and hell, I believed you!

that was what I learned at home, too:

if the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally

can’t even do that,

there must be something wrong with me.

so I thought I had to prove my worth to you as well.

you convinced everyone how awful I was—

and, for a while,

even I fell for your lies.

but now I see that I was a frightened girl

just stepping out into the world,

still looking for something to hold onto.

you offered your hand with a smile—

I took it, not knowing

the light in your eyes

wasn’t love for me

but hunger for another victim.

and from me

you gained,

you grew,

and fattened,

while I shrank and wilted beside you.

I faintly remember her,

that lost girl giving up her dreams and plans

in hope of the promised love.

and they say

what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger—

but fuck that!

no, you didn’t kill me,

but I healed on my own.

and I won’t let you take credit for that, too.

yes, I am still writing poems about it,

but not about you.

this one is about me.

it's about how I remember,

how I survived.

this one is about my strength,

my resilience,

my love for freedom.

I remember the day I left—

all of the sudden life tasted bittersweet —

the pain of fresh air entering my lungs

after holding my breath for 3 years,

the torment of my wings unfolding,

the unbearable lightness in my body

after my chains all fell away.

I remember learning to eat alone,

to laugh without permission,

to create my own opinions,

to stand in a room without apologizing

for taking up space.

the wounds I healed became

scars that are the proof of my own power—

not yours.

they are the map of my survival,

constellations carved into my soul,

guiding me back to myself

in the dark night of the soul—

again and again.

~~~

The title 'Narciso' refers to the figure of Narcissus from Greek mythology —the self-obsessed man who destroys everyone and everything around him through his vanity. This poem re-imagines that myth through the lens of surviving a toxic relationship.