My Word Is My Bond

Hello, and thank you for calling.

We need some basic info, at this stage.

Hang with me, and I'll get you going

to help you reopen and access this page.

What is the name of your current house-pet?

Give us your birthdate, full name and age.

Respell the name of the town you were born in.

What's the yearly sum of your wage?

How many hours do you work a week?

When - in a month, are you paid?

Just a little more detail and we will be all set,

and you can be well on your way.

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What is the full name of your mother?

Is she still happily married to your dad?

Are you current on your vaccinations?

Please list below, which ones you have had.

Where are you currently living?

What is the proper name of your street?

Are you married or single, please tell us...

Exactly, when and where did you meet?

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I'm sorry, but -that's the wrong password,

feel free to attempt it - again.

Make sure to be careful, it's case sensitive -

it really matters what font it is in.

Try using a capital letter,

and choose another symbol or two.

We just want to be absolutely sure -

that we are confident - you're really you.

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How long have you lived at this address-

in the house or apartment, you're in?

Did you take out a loan to afford it,

or do you prefer - just to rent?

How much was the cost of your automobile?

Do you own it - or is it a lease?

These questions are designed to make life easier,

to save you worry and give peace.

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What was the name of your mother?

No, not her married name, before she was wed.

Is that your real hair and real color,

or a toupee you wear there, on your head?

When you voted, did you vote red or blue,

or did you try your best - to stay neutral?

How healthy are you when you eat?

your diet should be kept sodium free and fruitful.

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I'm sorry, it's still wrong,

you can try it again.

But only a few more times,

or we won't let you in.

I know this is Kohl's

and you just want to pay.

But you can't be too careful,

you know what they say.

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Go on - it's easy, reset your password.

We will promptly send you a code.

You choose whether it's sent in an e-mail or text,

we will send you a link to upload.

Once you receive the code - then it will take you

where to go - to get it reset.

Stay with me, we are almost all done here,

please, refrain from getting upset.

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No, no, no - that one won't do,

It’s one that you have used once before.

Try making it something about you,

maybe someone you know and adore

But don't make it too obvious,

so that anyone educated could guess.

If your identity happens to get stolen,

it can be such a terrible mess!

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No, don't use your birthday,

or the name of your dog.

But one you can easily remember,

when it's time for you to log-on.

Be sure not to copy or write it down -

or put it on paper or note card.

I think maybe you're over thinking it,

and simply making it difficult and hard.

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Okay, I think you finally got it,

Log on and tell me - what do you see?

I knew we would eventually get it.

You just had to listen to me.

I'm going to hang up now, but remember,

if you have any problems, just call.

No, you have not been a bother,

it's my job, not a hassle at all.

Goodbye, and thank you for calling,

there is a short survey, please don't defer.

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And as I hang up the phone feeling exhausted - I see:

Steps necessary to reset your password:

UGGGH!!