My Nightmares Have Steps

I keep having the same nightmares

Over and over again

I see staircases and I feel uneasy

Sometimes broken, sometimes wobbly

Many a time, they are missing

And I know I am supposed to climb them

I know I can’t stay still

But how do I climb invisible ones?

Fearing, failing, falling

These steps inhabit my inner world

My unending anxieties

They are crumbling once again

I look at them with fearfulness in my eyes

What do I do now?

How do I reach where I want to be?

How do I feel at ease?

What lies ahead?

I stand there, looking below

Wondering whether I should try to jump

To the other side

Or step down

And go back to the old and familiar

Recurring bad dreams

In reality, I prefer staircases over elevators

I climbed six flights of stairs

Short of breath, legs weak

Because I wanted to feel free

Elevators make me uneasy

Why? I have social anxiety

Stairs are safe

I get to decide my pace

Stairs don’t make me wait

I can be slow, I can be quick

Everything is entirely in my control

Today, not many people are around

Climbing stairs in solitude

It’s funny how they make me feel safe when I’m awake

And how they haunt me in my sleep.

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