MY MOTHER'S FAULT

My Mother’s Fault

by Tom Golden

IT WAS MY MOTHER’S FAULT…

That I was born.

I was named Thomas. Jack was possible, but too many boys named Jack in 1938.

That Tom Mix, a famous cowboy was my namesake.

I was breast fed, and then weaned too soon.

I was bottle fed, and then weaned again.

I Sucked my thumb, not being allowed to have a teething ring.

I wore diapers.

I was given milk baths that assured healthy skin.

I slipped in the tub and hence suffered a tiny chin scar.

I was successfully toilet trained, in record setting time.

That I flushed the toilet and put dirty clothes in a hamper.

I loved apple sauce, tapioca pudding, and Bing Cherries from Washington State.

That I never ate a dill pickle.

I used a fork, spoon, knife and a napkin.

That we never ate dinner until my father came home from work.

I took a white pill, and my head would stop hurting.

I learned to blow my nose into a tissue.

I learned to use a straw. It was difficult, but she persisted.

That the Sandman helped me sleep.

That I learned that babies were born in her stomach.

I worried that the baby in her stomach was drowning in Lentil soup.

That I said please, thank you and you’re welcome.

Least I forget, it’s my Mother’s fault that I frequently said,” I apologize.”

I learned that saying “I’m sorry” was like a get out of jail free card.

That lying was forbidden!

I shared my pail and shovel while playing with others in a sand box.

I learned not to point at strangers regardless of their uniqueness.

I regularly visited all my Grandparents, and never asked when we were leaving.

I learned to dance and, also sing all the popular songs of the 40’s.

I took piano lessons, and never learned to play the piano.

I learned there was a heaven. Living in that heaven was my dead brother.

If I looked at a cloud, I might see him sitting on the edge of that cloud. I did!!!

I learned to count and the names of the colors.

I found the North Star, and several constellations.

I tied my laces, and brushed my teeth.

I wore Converse sneakers, although I wanted PF’s.

A’s were better than B’s and a C in Spanish was acceptable.

I made dozens of clay snakes and clay bracelets.

To stay in the lines when using a coloring book.

I climbed a ladder, mowed a lawn, and used a washing machine and dryer.

I learned to garden, and to love flowers.

I was the family official child to “take out the garbage”.

I made scrambled eggs, chicken soup with matzo balls, and grilled cheese sandwiches.

That I felt sorrow, and often cried when I did what was wrong.

I was so homesick at college, and called home several times a week.

That I tried to make my siblings happy when they were sad.

That I was a skillful, and sort after babysitter.

I recited the Pledge of Allegiance and placed my right hand over my heart.

I stood whenever the Star Spangled Banner played on our little t.v. set.

That I adored Nat King Cole, Fred Astaire and Esther Williams.

That I threw salt over my left shoulder to avoid bad luck.

That I feared the phrase: “Wait till your Father comes home.”

That I showed respect to all older persons.

That I wanted to be a Doctor. Could have made it if not for Organic Chemistry.

My Mother had so many faults, and I am one of them.