my loyalty

***

with a heavy heart,

i start

my day today.

it is as if something inside of me

is bitterly willing to die,

and i'm afraid of death.

heartbeat. slow pulse. repeat.

now, let it rest

in broken pieces

of crystal-salty teardrops;

my smiling mask now sobs.

approach my thoughts;

please, don't. retreat!

i thought of death today.

i saw their faces. the odds

are not revealed to us

of course. inhale. exhale. repeat.

i thought of many fates,

of fight and plight, of dark and light.

i saw my face that was a mask,

i saw a mask that was my face.

til stealthy dusk,

through still, unwilling, mute dissent

embrace: no certainty,

no warranties. my loyalty

is to the here and now; i vow.

please, don't compromise it,

i beg of you,

my heartbeat.

***

this is the symphony of

                all the words untold

                         all the sights unseen

                                        all the vows I broke

god bless this life

             it sneezes contagiously

                               bitter-sweet

keep it up—

                                        graft another budding branch

into my veins

plunge

               it deep and say

               the magic words

                              spill 'em out into watchful ears

                              as new stems root and

interweave with supple nerves

                so be it

              this pain

                                 this joy

                           is here to stay.