My Inner Demon

To my inner demon,

You took what should have been my childhood and threw it away.

You beat me down, kicked me around and made me feel like I was worthless.

Worth less than the dirt stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

It took me a long time, about ten years of my life, to realize that it was not me.

It was not me, necessarily, that you hated, but yourself.

You hated yourself so much that you took it out on a child.

You took your own self-loathing and anger and tore apart an innocent little girl.

The worst part?

That little girl felt like she had done something terribly wrong.

That for some reason, something was wrong with her.

And she grew up hating herself because of it.

She grew up believing that she would never amount to anything.

That whatever was wrong with her as a child, was still wrong with her as an adult.

But here I am, standing tall, trying to teach myself that I was not the problem.

The problem was not me, I was a child, growing, learning and unfortunately…

I was a child trying to survive a storm that should have never been.

So much damage was done. So much pain inflicted.

None of it should have ever happened, yet it did.

And look at me now.

I am a mess, but I am a beautiful mess.

I am growing still. Learning to love myself, flaws, and all.

Embracing my strengths and learning to love my weaknesses and grow.

Grow and learn. Learning things that YOU should have taught me.

Life’s too short to continue holding on to the past.

And while I would like to give a big middle finger to you,

Waving it around for the world to see.

I am here to tell you that you failed.

I am loving myself.

I am growing.

I am doing something with my life.

Things you told me I would NEVER be able to do.

And I am doing them proudly.

I would love to say that I hate you.

Truth is, I despise you.

But I forgive you.

I forgive you for all the hell you put me through.

I forgive you for all the pain.

I forgive you for all the negative thoughts and qualities you instilled onto me.

But it does not matter if I forgive you or not...

What matters is…

Do you forgive yourself?