My experiences with Dissociation
The disconnected self
I first experienced the 'Shimmer in the mirror' when undiagnosed, many years ago, on a solo writing retreat at Victor Harbour, South Australia. I took photos of the reflection. 'Many years ago' meant I had to wait to have the film developed. I discovered that all along, the 'Shimmer' was me! My response was curious terror.
I will briefly reflect on my symptoms. Though there are commonalities, each episode is unique to the individual. My Dissociation is a response to trauma and distress. I experience:
- Depersonalisation and disconnection
- Lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions, and identity
- Regression into sensory deprivation with progressive loss or disruption of sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell
These also occur beyond the mirror, which I manage using similar grounding and sensory enhancement techniques.
My most intense Dissociation episodes involve feeling (believing) as though I'm watching myself from outside my body. Unlike many others, I have no amnesia before or after a Dissociative episode. Fortunately, I can feel the onset, no matter how sudden, and immediately implement strategies.
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If You Love Me, You'll Do It
I met Jason when I was five years old. I could say that I loved him from the moment I saw him. He was so handsome to me and I felt in awe by his presence. When they introduced him as the new kid in school, I wanted to be his friend right away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember his smile and how he didn't seem shy. He appeared confident and ready to learn. I waved at him and said "hello," before anyone else could even say a word. He sat next to me, and I asked him if he wanted to be friends. He looked so happy as he said, "Yes!"
By Sidney Smith (Sid Smith)8 days ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
I appreciate learning about your experiences. I have epileptic seizures (nothing really like you experience) but I never have any warning signs about an onset. That would be, I'd guess, finding the positive in what you go through. I'm slightly envious you can implement strategies. Thanks for sharing! ⚡♥️⚡