Mother

Mother

I say no for all the times I could

I rebel for all the times I couldn't

I speak up and harshly for all the times i had to hold my tongue and choke down your rage

I silence myself for all the times i felt forced to speak

I reach out my hand for all the times I felt you pull away

I stay here, like this

In a vicious cycle

A tormenting loop

And all this time my dreams were the glue

The glue that held me together

The promise of a different world

A different sight

Where I would no longer have to feel your slight

A peaceful tomorrow

A better beginning

But how could i ask for better than this

It's not like I'm lacking in anything

wanting for everything

I have a roof over my head

Clothes on my back

A promising future

A place to call home

So why? Why this emptiness

Why this longing for more?

Perhaps I'm still healing from the time you called me a whore

I want to be closer to you

But you've encased your heart in barbwire it seems

I get hurt every time I try

I'm in such bad shape. I might not make it out intact a second thousandth time

They say time heals all wounds but

THIS etched in my mind

Perhaps these tiny little things

Are why I struggle to find

A part of me that feels any desire to stay here any longer

By your side

Your scorching presence

our love wasn't enough

A son and a daughter can only do so much

for one who won't do for themselves

Because alas

You can only hope that your parents are not who you become