Mother Is Just A Word

Mother is just a word written down

Repeatedly in my journal

Now I give it to the world

"Here is the beginning

of my life as a little girl"

I craved her love and

I needed her to understand

Her's was not the only truth

I showed her my wounds

Told her of my stolen youth

Still I was to blame as

She continuously pushed me aside

She chose him and other men for years

Always sitting alone, no one heard my pain

My voice stolen and I cried with silent tears

Still I felt brave and I set a goal

Who needed her - mother was just a word

Content that I might be leaving her all alone

And leaving that life and it's hurtful memories behind

Searching for something exciting and unknown

Yes I had years of hardships, ups and downs

But my strength and resilience always helped me up

Yet I admit that still in the back of my mind

I try to understand why someone like her

Could be gifted the title mother and could not be kind

No matter the accomplishment

No matter the success

I could never get her love or praise

She was and is content on my failure

And she will never change her ways

She blames me for her life failings

But am I supposed to apologize?

I see her dance of negativity in my head

Not wanting to be like her when I have kids

So I verbally and mentally abuse myself instead

Now that I am aware of this deadly cycle

I know what I must do

I must reach the stars and truly believe

That I am not what she says I am

Only when I stop letting mother in will self love be something I achieve

Mother is just a word written down

Repeatedly in my journal

Now I give it to the world

"Here is a new chapter of my life, redefined the word Mother

and saying good bye to that little girl"