Mommy I Miss Your Hands

Mommy I miss your hands,

So much love inside of your palms, when anxieties arise they kept me calm, fluffed blankets over my body to keep warm, or struck me when I was wrong, finger snaps to your favorite songs, and all the meals that kept me strong,

I remember the brass bangles on your wrist,

wrinkled knuckles shuffled cards during "go fish",

while awaiting my school bus's arrival, mommy something was in your hands that to me was so vital, I didn't know it then but I got walk hand in hand with my idol.

Mommy I miss your heart,

All your actions, selfless, I felt this, reflect in myself when, I displayed your inherit compassion, although since you've been away I lack in, some of your lessons you'd often made me practice, I feel like I can't stop being distracted, I keep slippin' and I apologize because sometimes I'd blame my broke traction on your absence,

I need your humor and essence, your warmth your spirit, and if it would crack open the heavens, I'd trade it all to have a mere five seconds of your presence, how could you love me so much is a thought I'm still digestin', but nevertheless it was love that I never had to question.

Mommy I miss your eyes

Thru all the flaws that I'd try to hide, you saw who I was inside, you saw behind my trouble eyes, that I needed a special love that's mine, rewind to the rearview in your Ford Escort, aside from your face and your eyes, that mirror reflects more, I often wondered why all the stressin' for. I wish that I could've found an effective cure, for the pain I now feel that you once had to endure.

Mommy I miss you here

Never thought your last moments, in my mind would last years, peering thru windows hoping that you'd appear,

I fear the lies I told myself never gave me solace, "Always do my best" you made promise, progress I often fail to accomplish, wrapped up in nonsense, but tackling goals without you as my witness is too hard to process....

Graduation day without you here, obtaining my license without you here, buying my first car without you here, mother and son dance at my wedding without you here, smile of my first child without you here, owning a home without you here, no matter how much love I'm surrounded by I'm always

alone.....

without you here.

Mommy I just miss you, the things that I been thru, others dismiss my issues, because they don't know how essential, your care was necessary for me to continue,

Being my best self without your caring assistance, the backbreaking emotions I had to carry this distance, recovering from my hairy decisions, maybe I hinder myself, because when others attempted to help, I would become defensive and very distant, I'm very different.

Open eyelids, provided guidance thru shadows and silence, I dance, close with your ghost, in hopes, of your physical's approach, in my trying times when I need you to hold me the most.

Mommy I miss your hands.