Mom I am sorry

Mom, Im sorry.

I’m sorry I kept you awake at night wondering where I could possibly be. Why hasn’t she messaged me? Why hasn’t she came home by now? I’m sorry you had horrible thoughts running through your mind. But the truth is, my friend had other plans for me. My friend told me if I just stayed a little while longer, I would feel much better. My friend told me the feeling through my skin, my veins, I would never want to let go. But Mom, my friend was wrong.

Happiness, yes happiness is what I felt. But the loneliness. I could see at 4 walls closing in. I could see myself drowning deep, deep, and deeper below earth. Mom? I don’t see you Mom.

You told me you didn’t have any money but I didn’t believe you. Mom I’m sorry that I yelled and hit you. You don’t understand, I need my friend Mom. I need money Mom, please.

I’m sorry I made you cry on our phone call, but you kept telling me to come home. Mom, I can’t come home. I don’t want to be without my friend. Why don’t you understand?

I can feel your hand touching mine, but I can’t see you. Can you hear me? Mom can you hear me? I’m trying to talk to you mom, why aren’t you listening? Please stop crying mom, I don’t want you to hurt.

I have never seen you eyes so baggy, filled with tears. But Mom, I do love my purple casket covered in red roses. They are beautiful mom. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry Mom.

Why do you cry yourself to sleep every night? Why are you crying mom? I’m happy. Im no longer with my friend mom, aren’t you happy for me? I’m sorry that I hurt you. Please stop crying. I’m sorry Mom.