Mine

I get uneasy when you say

“You are mine.” And “I love you.”

And I know I shouldn’t

Because I know you just intend

To show me love and devotion

With those words

And that I am so very precious to you

And am deeply valued and wanted by you

And that your intentions are good and true

Yet it still makes me uneasy

And I know you feel it when

I tighten up and pull back from you

When you say those words

I don’t know why I can’t give this

Very small concession to you right now

I imagine it comes from years and years

Of trauma and personal violation

From others

And it hurts because you are so open

And loving with me

You just want to be mine in heart, soul and spirit

And you only want the same from me

But there are so many demons and ghosts in my past

That have caused so much pain and distrust

That need to be exorcised

And vanquished

Only your love will do that.

Eventually.

It will take time.

But the word “mine”

Makes me cringe a little

Yet, I know

Deep in my soul

That clearly you are the only one for me

Someday, I will be able to say what you want to hear.

That I am “yours” and you are “mine”

And I won’t cringe or hold back.

- Julie O'Hara

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