Marinate

I can’t fathom

what it must feel like

to walk like ,

think like ,

talk like

him.

To figure out ways

to get this money ,

forgetting all the while

I got a home to go to.

To

talk to bitches

freely

knowing

my girl waiting on the couch for me.

Speeding through the streets

knowing I already got warrants out

for my arrest.

Cause tension at home

to find comfort

in the streets.

Never once thinking

about the hurt ,

About the harm ,

About the hate

I’m causing at home.

Maybe that’s

simply because

i ain’t even home long enough

to see what I’m doing to this girl

i say i love.

Not even considering

the amount of respect

my girl loosing

for me cause

every time my boys call

I’m quick to jump.

But

let her ask

for one date

the world coming to an end.

It’s all

a cheap thrill.

In love with

the idea of love

never once

taking the chance

to consider

what love

would ,

could ,

should

be like ,

feel like ,

breathe like !

Let that marinate.

Because

while you comfy in the streets ,

I lay in these sheets

reaching to my right ,

my left

to feel emptiness.

Only realizing

how this gap

in this space

to my left ,

to my right

drives me

to this emptiness

that’s buried

deep in my heart ,

my center ,

my core.

And while I think

of all the emptiness ,

I dream

about the broken promises

and all the times I

cried myself to sleep

in silence

cause

after a quick fuck

and a 2 minute nut

you deep asleep ,

didn’t even

wanna cuddle with me.

But the next morning

your phone ring ,

you had to dip.

6 a.m.

What the fuck could possibly be out there at 6 in the morning ,

you ain’t punching no clock.

And yet another date

canceled.

Cause there

was “money to be made.”

That became more important,

thus I became more ignored

and

when I ignored you

I neglected you ,

never cared about you ,

all according to you.

But

what you don’t understand

is

how much

I cared for you ,

loved on you ,

missed you ,

prayed for you.

All I wanted

was to be close to you ,

but being in Love

was never for you.

I only lived in my head ,

played out this fantasy

to pass the time ,

to comfort me !!!

Let that marinate !