Magazine Mom

08.04.2019

I've got issues

Need to figure out how to cancel these magazine subscriptions

to past inscriptions --

clear this fog so I can see my future clearly .

I'm not sure if you can hear me ,

cause I've got issues .

These issues make me miss you .

I hold on to every word on every page

even when filled with rage --

I cling to every false promise --

every disappointment --

My mom is disappointed cause

My page is her cage

My page for me --is her page of constant misery .

There's no pride in me from her --the white dove

I call Love .

Loves to be disappointed but damn she's anointed !

Still blessed even with me as her stress .

Mom I promise that I'm healing from your mistakes .

They don't know what it takes to nurture Tiye --

I frustrate you and you me .

The last links in a cycle

of mother daughter injuries .

I'm happy you've changed for Tyeon's sake ,

but me ?

The experimentee . . .

I was the black sheep with no wool , the forgotten tool .

The one left out in the cold

wrote off as a dreaming fool --

Mom , I love you but you've been cruel .

I remember wanting to share every thought and secret .

You slapped my face and told me to keep it .

To you ,

I was a disgrace .

But I was just a lost little girl out of place ,

and instead of giving me a warm embrace ,

and telling me you loved me ,

you were cold & gave me space --lots of it .

Threw me in the workplace and made me believe that

real women always wear a pokerface .

They hide their flaws --

live without applause

because it's easy to drop men's jaws --

just like they think it's easy to drop my draws .

Menopause .

Wait .

None of that is true --

I grew up watching you locked away in a room .

Rapunzel . Waiting .

Never figured out what you were waiting for

but you're a queen !

Not a princess in distress .

I promise no man will come to save you .

You taught me that .

So put the cigs down and unglue your eyes from the devil's box that's distorting you

because I need you .

Mom I needed you .

Not to make me hard --not to leave me be ,

Mom , I needed you to love me --

talk to me --

tell me what you've seen .

Don't shelter or coddle me cause I know the world to be cruel ;

So as much as you think I do ,

I don't need that from you .

Mom , you've been cruel but I still love you .

We've got issues to cancel , cause I miss you .