Love rewards those who are not angry

After work today, my friend warmly invited me to his home to play the new PS4.

I was very surprised to know that his girlfriend is extremely strict tutor, biting, at an early age he indulge hero alliance, she never like other girls cried "to choose game or I", assembling quietly to learn computer skills, finally in a dark night to sell his computer graphics come down, and then use the money to the gym downstairs in card gave him. Since then, he has been unable to play wild in the river and can only lift iron in the gym. After receiving this gift, he cried at home for a week.

Now, he told me, not only can he play games for two hours every day when he gets home from work, but even this game console is bought for him by his girlfriend.

I was shocked by the dramatic change and asked him, have you recently taken PUA and brainwashed your girlfriend?

On Saturday, he and his girlfriend went to the park by bike. When they left, he advised her to put her phone in her bag, not in her pocket, otherwise it would be easy to drop. His girlfriend, on the other hand, was a stubborn girl who felt her pockets were too deep to worry about.

After two laps around the park, they decided to take a break to play with their phone. The girlfriend reached into her unfathomable pocket. Then time froze and she stood there for five seconds, whispering, "I've lost my phone."

The friend said he was angry at that moment, but just as he was about to say, "Didn't I warn you?" When he saw his girlfriend's anxious posture and guilty expression, he relented. So he said nothing, just to reassure her not to worry, and then rode down the road carefully, and then went to the park service to leave the contact information.

Fortunately, a good Samaritan found the phone and took it to the park service, but it was recovered. On the way home, her girlfriend apologized to him and said she regretted not listening to him earlier.

The next day the home received a delivery, the girlfriend smiled happily to say that this is a gift to him, in his despair thought is "mature man's 100 cultivation" or "C language from entry to mastery" when, open a look, is a game machine.

He felt that if he had said "I warned you but you didn't listen" and "I knew you would lose", he would have quarreled with him with his girlfriend's strong character and wouldn't even recognize his mistake, and then they would have a cold war for several days.

How did you come up with this approach, I asked him?

He said he suddenly thought of his parents. His father was also a grumpy man. When his mother did something wrong, he didn't yell out "Can't you do this little thing right?" when she felt guilty. Is the sarcastic sarcasm "Ha ha, I knew this would happen, deserve it", finally parents always because of a little big quarrel, or cold war for several days, to his young heart caused great damage.

At first, he felt that this was his mother's problem. Since he had made a mistake, he would certainly stand at attention and be beaten without any excuse.

But if you think about it, when her mother made a mistake, she felt guilty, if not blamed. He didn't accuse her to correct her mistakes and attitude, but to vent his feelings and express his "I knew it would happen" superiority.

But the worst part is that if his dad makes a mistake, like losing something, he won't admit it. Instead, even if it's just to remind him next time, he'll be furious and say, "Did I make that mistake if I wasn't too busy and tired? Is it for you?"

As he came into contact with more and more people, he found that the more people like to blame others, the more they like to make excuses when they make mistakes.

And often, the more guilty and helpless the other person is when they make a mistake, the more sarcastic and accusatory they are. If the other side is tough and unreasonable, they do not dare to make a mistake, dare to anger and dare not speak -- to put it bluntly, in fact, it is bullying and afraid of hard, know that a person who has admitted wrong, no matter how hard you say, he can not refute it.

In that moment, he says, he realized he could never be the man his father had been. And it turns out he was right, and it was a really bad thing, because of the way he handled it. It brought him closer to his girlfriend.

My friend's narrative made me very emotional, I think the so-called high emotional intelligence, in fact, is just a little more careful observation.

When a person makes a mistake, most people's first reaction is to blame, but the really careful people first thing to do is to restrain their emotions, observe the attitude of the other party, if he does not care, or repeated teaching, it can really blame him.

But if he is guilty, very anxious, he blame myself one hundred times already in your heart, then you blame his satire, in addition to let him feel even worse, there is no any positive action, even, let him to produce a rebellious attitude is "I have been very remorse is very afflictive, how do you still want me to, knelt down to give you an apology?"

He may feel guilty about you, but if you make a condescending or whimsical accusation, his guilt may be erased -- and many close relationships end up being ruined by such recriminations.

On the other hand, if you comfort and help him instead of blaming him, his guilt for making a mistake will turn into your guilt, which will make him more careful not to make a mistake in the future and will make him closer to you.

Mutual blame only alienates people, mutual debt makes people close.

It's a simple idea, but not many people actually do it, because most people are just animals who are governed by their immediate emotions.

But dominated by emotions, and ultimately doomed to suffer emotionally.

Finally, I remembered the "Crayon Shin-sin" I watched when I was a child. I can't remember most of the funny scenes, but now I still remember a story:

Misae's mother went to the bank to take out a month's salary for her husband Hiroshi. At the gate of the bank, she pulled out the kleenex and took the bag with the money, but she didn't pay attention, so she lost the money.

After returning home, she found that the money was lost. She looked for it for a long time and asked a lot of people but did not find it back. She could only sulk alone.

Hiroshi came home and saw Misae sulky and asked why.

Hiroshi's salary was 300,000 yen, or about 2, 000 yen at the time. A quarter of a million yuan is a lot of money that most families can't take for granted even today, let alone in the 1990s.

Hiroshi's reaction was to grab Miyazu and say,

"Why, so that's all.

I wish I could make more money.

For me,

I just want you and Xin to be safe."

In the animation, Xiao Xin's family is very ordinary, but when I saw this scene, even as a young child, I also sincerely feel that Xiao Xin is really happy to grow up in such a family environment.