Love me, anyways.....

All I have ever needed through the good and bad days - is just to be loved......anyway.

Chaos, unseen scars, broken pieces and pain,

Searching for sunshine after dark thunder and rain.

Either a trophy or even a pawn-

I wasn’t enough, but instead “John”.

Naive with blurred vision I was barely a teen-

What did I do now, why are you so mean?

Each moment, now memory, blended in haze-

Why was it so hard, to just love me.....anyway?

Beauty, Brains, Prestige and Success-

I am doing it all, why are you seeing me less?

Lonely and aching, thick armor complete-

Twice abandoned and despised - I won’t, I can’t admit defeat!

I am stronger now, set apart from the rest-

I can breathe, I am free, to build my own nest.

Her and I now, NO - you don’t have a say!

It’s not my fault - you couldn’t - wouldn’t, love me....anyway.

Compliments catch feelings “your nothing like the rest”-

All lies and motives, deceit and failed tests.

So many people, stories, curiosity and intrigue-

But, I know deep is not safe - the wall/armor will keep me from fatigue.

Familiarity & Friendship, Blind Belief and Charm -

Attraction, Connections, Safety not harm.

No hesitation, no fear, who would have guessed-

Easy & Calm, meant to be and blessed!

Jumped right in, when “you know you know” they say -

I just know your the one to love me....anyway.

A long story, no ending, but not the fairytale it would be-

Somewhere along the way you stopped being you - to me.

I could have changed her and my whole life - lived anywhere -& chased any dream-

Now, I find my peace in the trees and see your face in the stream.

The girl in the mirror, beauty/brains - prestige and success,

Now aged by addiction, unhappy and stressed.

2 angels await they will show me the way-

3 dragons will grow stronger and fierce if I am away.

Behind a church, in the dark, with two knives I sit,

Removing the cracked armor, that now doesn’t fit.

Embarrassment, Guilt and soooo much shame-

How did I get here, with only myself to blame?

2 angels were there, but instead showed me her face-

I hope she never finds out she was my saving grace!

I want to run, start over and again find my place-

But I can’t escape the stream, the connection I feel when I see his face.

This is not me, it’s not who I am-

I really need my big brother or in heaven my Gram-

Somehow, someway - he helped me see-

That all along he was protecting us - he was protecting me!

I made it all so hard, he should just walk away!!!

Instead, he stood in front of me with a ring and showed me he loved me all along.......anyway.