Love in 8 Messages — And One Left Unsent

1. Drafted on: January 12, 2021 — 10:02 PM

Hey, Elina. I know it’s been a while. I wasn’t sure if I should even message you. But today, I walked past the bookstore where you slipped your number into the back of that Murakami novel. I still have the receipt you doodled your smiley face on. Weird, right? I stared at it for a long time. Thought about how excited I was when I found it. Thought about you. Anyway… I hope you’re good.

(Unsent. Deleted. Rewritten. Unsent again.)

2. Drafted on: February 14, 2021 — 3:44 PM

Happy Valentine’s Day. I never said it the year we were together — too scared to make it a big deal. You always laughed and said, “Love isn’t about dates. It’s about the small things.” I finally get what you meant. I see small things now — in everything, and they all look like you. The way you tied your hair with a pencil, the way you hummed when you were nervous. I miss those things more than I thought I would.

(Left in drafts.)

3. Drafted on: March 9, 2021 — 1:17 AM

Remember that night it rained and we danced in it? You had that red scarf on. I hated the cold, but you made it warm somehow. Just wanted to say that memory still feels alive — like it just happened last week. Your laugh echoed in that moment, louder than the thunder. It still echoes now.

4. Drafted on: April 1, 2021 — 12:30 PM

I saw your Instagram today. You looked happy. With him. I’m glad, truly. I think you deserve someone who doesn’t hesitate like I did. I just… I wish I hadn’t been so good at hiding how much I needed you. I convinced you I didn’t care when really, I cared too much — just didn’t know how to show it without breaking.

(Never sent. Archived.)

5. Drafted on: June 18, 2021 — 8:49 PM

You once told me, “People don’t leave because they stop loving. They leave because love isn’t enough sometimes.” At the time, I thought that was just you being dramatic. Now? I think I finally understand. It wasn’t that I didn’t love you… I just didn’t know how to hold you without letting go of my fears. And love, as you said, deserves better than hesitation.

6. Drafted on: October 5, 2021 — 11:11 PM

Today’s your birthday. I remembered. I almost bought you that weird handmade lamp you liked at the market last year. But what would I say if I showed up? “Hey, here’s a gift from someone you used to love”? Silly. Still… happy birthday, Elina. I hope someone brought you flowers. I hope you smiled the way you used to when you opened handmade things.

7. Drafted on: December 24, 2021 — 6:00 PM

It’s Christmas Eve. Your favorite. You always said the lights made everything feel softer. Quieter. Like the world paused for love. I didn’t decorate this year. Not because I forgot — but because I remember too much. Every light reminds me of your eyes under fairy lights. Every silence feels like the one we had before you walked away.

8. Drafted on: February 10, 2022 — 5:52 AM

I heard you’re getting married. Someone at work mentioned your name. Said you looked radiant in the photos. I just stood there, frozen. I think I smiled. I don’t remember. I do remember this: I wanted to tell you I was proud of you. For choosing love again. For not waiting for someone like me to grow up. You moved on while I kept dancing with ghosts.

(Never sent. Heart racing. Fingers trembling. Saved to Notes instead of Messages.)

9. Drafted on: February 14, 2022 — 11:59 PM

You’ll never read this one. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe some love stories aren’t meant to be relived, only remembered. Still, Elina… if there’s a version of me in another universe, I hope he held your hand tighter. I hope he said, “I love you” before the silence had a chance to grow roots. And I hope he knew… that not all goodbyes come with doors slamming shut. Some just stay in drafts.