Lost To Myself

So many things are hard to do,

But letting go of the person you dearly want to hold onto is tougher,

Acting like you really do not care when in essence you are scouring inside,

Or living as if their actions do not hurt you,

When they actually tear you apart is difficult,

They said I would get through it,

But honestly, I was never prepared for this,

No one said I would have to watch your hand,

Hold another woman’s waist,

And watch your lips kiss another forehead,

I swear I assured myself that I would be fine,

I was actually sure that I would get over it,

Since it seemed so easy from the outside,

But how was I supposed to forget the memories,

That you left engraved deeply in my heart,

Yet they keep haunting me,

Cos I cannot pretend that I am not affected,

Since I am not bulletproof,

Every time I lie on my bed,

I remember the many places we visited,

The numerous photos we took,

The gifts you gave and,

How you treated me like I was the only girl you ever loved,

But what should I do now?

Since you left me cos you did not want to stay,

You know I wish you said something,

Like lying to me that we were never meant to be,

Or just tell me you found someone better,

You instead chose the wrong way,

Of torturing me with my own mind,

Left me wondering what I did wrong,

And it is even said that I can do nothing,

because this seems like it is our end,

Yet up to now, my heart can not take it,

And it keeps curving in,

but as they said, it is what it is.

So I will keep nursing the pain and cover the wounds,

Until I heal and move on,

Or until I know how to live with the pain.