LOST

I was lost for the longest time. Hiding who i truly was behind a hard shell. See, i thought this hard shell would keep me safe, safe from all the judgement of the world.

Ever since i could remember, i had to be tough. You see, i'm a very small woman. I never wanted to get taken advantage of. I didn't want people to thin they could punk me. I had to be the baddest bitch on the streets. Of course, there is always someone bigger and badder than you, but i didn't let that stop me. I never backed down. And my bite was just as bad as my bark.

This hard facade came from needing to be the protector of those "more innocent" around me.

I took the beatings, i took the assault, i took the pain and suffering.

But that is who i am. I have always been a fighter.

When you really take the time to get to know me, i actually have a very big heart. I don't like seeing people hurt, I don't like seeing special people getting taken advantage of, or made fun of.

I am NOT a fighter, but a protector.

I guess you could say, i bully the bullies.

Any fight i have gotten in to have never been for my sake, but for the sake of others.

At a young age i endured some trauma, started popping pills to numb myself from the horrible feelings i didn't want to feel anymore.

I was lost for a long time.

It was like i was walking through a haze for years. Nothings really mattered.

That didn't always stop the dark thoughts that constantly spun around in my mind.

As numb as i felt most the time, sometimes, life just didn't seem worth living anymore.

The darkness constantly knocking at my door.

So much pain. So many tears shed behind closed doors.

The feeling of nothingness takes a heavy toll, one most cannot find there way out of. No-one to turn to. No-one to care. Or so it seemed.

Life was so dark for so long, until the day my life was almost taken, one too many and i was gone to the world. When i finally woke up i made the biggest change that would save my life.

I hope many more make this decision/