Loaned Comfort

I just made love but I feel emptier than before,

Empty is the grave of those whose family

Chose cremation the morning of the funeral,

He is snoring besides me as I write this open letter

You are told to open up and never the price one pays for it,

I want to wake him up and tell him to leave

Tell him to cut the rope on my neck,

And help me to breathe

Tell him to talk to me, to listen to me

But you are borrowed an ear when they want to sleep with you

Bleed on me, then spread your legs

Therapy which does not take medical aid for payment

Who should cover the entire bill on dates is now a dialogue,

But he must be tired, the talking can wait for later

I have been tired as long as I can remember

Memories are angels of death with shovels,

Presenting us with the illusion of choice

You are to decide whether you bury or let the thoughts roam free,

Freedom comes from forgetting

Forgetting how I ended up on this bed,

Prison is ajar if I do not remember consent

Self-blame is a sentence which the guilty seek,

Seek a public pardon to set themselves free

I should always be told that it was not my fault,

For me to even consider believing it

But I do not believe that we are not gonna talk tonight,

Every night I see myself hanging next to the chandelier lifeless

Light comforting me at last,

When I stare at the ceiling before I pass out

Out!

I said, get out!

You are considered a deranged woman

When you show him the door midnight,

A sport only men has exclusive rights for participation

You think you have rights under my roof?

Your father taking off his trouser to reprimand you

To silence you,

I refuse to sleep with a duck tape on my mouth tonight

You are silenced with intimacy when he does not communicate,

When he does not help out with the bills

When he does not protect you,

Sometimes, it makes up for everything for a little while

A little while ago, my cup was half-filled on the table

Whoso drank from it took it as a souvenir

And shall return later for what remains of me.