Level-Up

Balanced….

That’s how they envision me.

Not too emotional…or too clingy…or too distant…or too….

Mouthy.

Just….”normal”

Attentive…

That’s what they expect me to be.

Initiating…planning…communicating… these things solely fall upon…

Me.

Displaying….”hypocrisy”

Quiet…

That’s how they want me to be.

Not too opinionated…liberated…invigorated…or too…

Free.

Just….”silenced.”

Beautiful…

That’s what they require of We.

Not too fat…not too skinny…not to sexy….not too pretty….or

Unique.

Not… “Me”

Naïve…

That’s what they trained me to be.

Living within fantasies that fantasized the me that dies and rises….

Daily.

Yet….”Never”

Promiscuous

That’s what they crave me to be

But it must be shown privately….and quietly…and discreetly…and

Shamefully….

Still…”Accepting”

Loyal

That’s what they anticipate I will be.

Regardless of their actions…regardless of their reactions…regardless of their….

Retractions….

Fake…“Reality”

Aggressive…

That’s what they hate me to be.

It’s too loud…and too emotional…and too teary…and too…

Real.

And…”False”

Strong…

That’s what they don’t expect me to be.

They see weak…and meek…and little feet that can’t run and….

Stomp.

Just…”Dancing”

Blind

That’s what they are hoping to find.

Eyes wide shut in rooms created in my cuts with ruts of regrets that linger so…

Close.

And….”Infinitely”

So long ago normal hypocrisy silenced me…..

Never accepting reality….

Dancing false infinitely.

Yet…moving loose and freely.

As the real me began to surface I began to purchase back the parts of my Soul that I sold for recognition.

I began to glue them…tape them….nail them back together with every mistake I lived in repetition.

I began my mission of rising above all the expectations placed at my door….

I began to question more….and talk more….and watch more…and walk more.

I bore my feet into my Spirit’s incline…..as my mind began its progression to find a Soul that was stuck

And it took all my attentiveness, beautiful quietness, and naïve promiscuous loyalty…to blindly, aggressively and strongly level up.

And I don’t ever plan on coming back down.