Let Me Paint Me A New Life

Let Me Paint Me A New Life

If a picture paints so many words

my picture would be my mistakes

neglecting my health

my diet

and my sleep

I didn’t skip meals

I ate well enough

the kind of food you’d call proper

veg, a bit of fish

sometimes even grilled

but always

after

something sweet

cake with tea

ice cream on a tired night

chocolate just because

just because was always enough

I told myself

it’s a treat

you’ve earned it

it’s not that bad

but it added up

not just on my waist

but in how I felt

slow

thick around the edges

tired even after sleep

I didn’t feel heavy

I felt fogged

and too quiet inside

I wasn’t hungry

I was reaching

for sugar to soften something

I didn’t want to name

I played brave with broken shoes

smiled through rooms,

rooms I shouldn’t have entered

drank tea over tears

and called it peace

told myself it was fine

when it was only survival

my body spoke softly at first

then louder

then loud enough to scare me

still I said

not now

I’ve got things to do

and people to prove wrong

my mirror didn’t lie

but I stopped looking

truth stings

more when it’s earned

until the numbers changed

and the scare came

not screaming

just a soft knock

from under my skin

and I knew

this wasn’t nothing anymore

now I thank God

it was only a warning

and I will be ok

I hope

already down

over a stone

in ten days

not starving

not pretending

just choosing different

this is a new

healthy

me

not a promise

not a plan

a decision

made quiet

and kept daily

just move over

let me paint

me

a new life