Laugh

I want to hear my own laughter. It sounds obnoxious and self centred I know. But isn’t that all anyone wants to do? Live. Love. Laugh. It’s the centre of what humans hold dear. It’s one of the pure fundamentals of being a person, With a soul.

I want to laugh so uncontrollably hard that my lungs hurt. So hard that my cheeks ache from smiling for so long. So incredibly hard that tears fill my eyes. So damn hard my ribs feel like they’re going to break and my stomach curls in joy.

All I remember is the pain in my lungs when I’ve been crying too hard for too long and all they want is a full breath of air. All I remember is the pain in my cheeks when my mother reprimanded me with a sharp slap. All I remember is the tears that fought so hard to stay hidden to feign my own ability to cope with everything. All I remember is the flip of my stomach when I try to eat, how it rejects my body and mind. How the hunger curls and digs it’s fingers in but nothing satisfies the beast within my organs.

It’s been so long since I’ve done it i no longer remember what it feels like. No memory of the feeling or the sound. No memory of what stokes my true laughter.

I want to hear my own laughter. I want to laugh so hard I cry. I want to feel true happiness again. I don’t want to fake it because faking just makes the reality seem even further away and I forget even more about it