La Perdiste

Your head— uncontrollably spinning tonight

you had dreamt about burning,

dying from a heartbreak and you wonder

how you’re still alive

You close your eyes and you see me in Colombia—

fucking my girl better than I ever used to fuck you

We’ve all lived multiple lives and yet

we’re so scared this one will end.

I thrust into her and all I can see is your pain

and that time years ago in your kitchen in Notting Hill

when putting my arms around you made you realize

you love me

and I hurt as I shoot out harder than ever

she’s dripping, smiling and mouthing

something in Spanish

all I hear is:

La perdiste

La perdiste

You wish that I had let you fight for me more

but it’s impossible to convey the sensations of every

little life lived and the lives we lived together nearly ended you

We live as we dream and you dream in your fuckless bed,

fortress of pillows, brushing your fake beautiful long hair

and all you can do is lie there, think of how you miss me but

memories are of no use to anyone

and here we are—

you and I and this pale dust

in the dance of remembrance