Knowing the Inevitable Call

I may be alive

But I'm not living

I try to take a dive

But the waters are unforgiving

I try to find my home

Amongst the clowns of the circus

As a storm rages on

Just beneath my surface

I try to give so much

But want to retain my soul

It seems to never be enough

And beyond my control

Feel myself slipping down the drain

While standing in front of them

The complex wires in my brain

Stay twisted so I'll never win

A stain on those I love

Never deserving of theirs

Fighting to stay above

Always gasping for air

Perched on the ledge

Knowing the inevitable call

Stepping closer to the edge

But I'm still scared of the fall