Kill Your Darlings

You must kill your darlings

Murder them

Obliterate them

Leave them on the page

Leave them for dead

Write them away

They disappear

Only to flood back in

They consume you

Transform you

You become what you do not know

They adore you

They crave you

You are desired only to be thrown

If they loved you all along,

Could you go very far?

Will they pick up the pieces?

Will they leave you to rot?

Fore, you are also their darling

And they kill you, too

Only so you can bleed on the paper

And disintegrate into dust

The madness of ink has become your thoughts

Your brain

Your heart

They don’t actually kill you

Merely mortally wound

You are to grieve for them

Whilst they bloom

I watched kill your darlings based on Allen Ginsberg. They were right when they said “kill your darlings.” That’s what you try to do when you write about them when you miss them. You try to kill them so you do not mourn them. Their murder, at your own hand, sounds like it would be easier to not miss them. The force is an easy good bye. Or so you think. You don’t realize, it’s not them you’re killing, it’s your feelings, your own heart, you are attempting to murder. In writing about them, they are forever preserved, but your heart is ripped apart and torn on the pages, splattered with ink. Thick and black, like your blood before it’s been exposed to oxygen. That’s how torn open you are. The blood believes itself to be still inside you. The oxygen cannot touch it. It’s coming directly from your heart and pouring out onto the page where you try to leave it. However, the wound does not leave you. It doesn’t let you forget, so you write again and again only to wound yourself further. How long can you keep going until there is no blood, no ink, no feeling left. Liquid has to run out sometime, however when does emotion? Does emotion drain like a dam? Or a sink? Does it go away? Or does it dissolve into the air? Into the clouds? Only to rain down on you. The perpetual cycle that is precipitation. Will you ever escape? Or do those moments in the sun allow for more rain? How many times do you have to kill your darling for emotion to finally leave you?