Jamie Kept His Promises

Disclaimer: For those that know me personally, THIS IS NOT about my ex-husband whose name was Jamie. This is about someone else. My ex-husband did not keep promises.
Verse 1
Jamie kept his promises like bottles on a shelf
Washed the Sunday coffee cups, folded in himself
Smiled for all the photographs, stood where he should stand
But I could feel the weather in the tremble of his hands
He’d watch the evening windows like a ferry watches shore
Breathing like a metronome, counting something more
I held his quiet carefully, the way you hold a flame
Thinking time would teach his heart to love me just the same
Pre-Chorus
But there was always silence in the echo of his laugh
A shadow shaped like someone else, a future cut in half
Chorus
Jamie, you stayed, you stayed though you were breaking
Slept in my arms, but woke in someone else’s dream
I thought you loved me by the way you kept on making
Dinner from the ashes, peace from kerosene
I couldn’t make you happy, I could only keep you warm
And you held on to a winter I was never meant to thaw
Verse 2
He never said her name out loud, just turned his shoulder west
Read the weather in the headlines, kept the letters pressed
Between a book of borrowed faith and pay stubs in a ring
A quiet, faithful monologue to what he couldn’t bring
We moved the furniture around to try and shift the ache
Painted rooms and planted herbs that we could almost taste
But every house we built together had a door ajar
Like he was listening for footsteps from a street too far
Pre-Chorus
And I was counting blessings like a banker counts a till
While he was counting distances no map could ever fill
Chorus
Jamie, you stayed, you stayed though you were breaking
Slept in my arms, but woke in someone else’s dream
I thought you loved me by the vows we kept on saying
But vows don’t cure a hunger that outlives the in-between
I couldn’t make you happy, I could only keep you warm
You carried home a winter I was never meant to thaw
Bridge
Maybe love is not a rescue, not a task to solve
Not a lighthouse bright enough to pull a ghost to shore
I kissed the places grief had carved and called it sacred ground
But hollowness is honest; it keeps echoing the sound
I wanted to be water where your ashes turned to clay
But some things don’t grow gardens, they just teach you not to stay
Verse 3
Years go by like sparrows, and his hair went salt and smoke
Still the gentlest kind of weary in the spaces where he spoke
We pass in quiet grocery lines, he asks me how I’ve been
His eyes still searching windows for the life that might’ve been
And I have learned to bless him with a tenderness that knows
He did the best with broken, with a love he couldn’t hold
I forgive the room he couldn’t fill, the song he couldn’t start
And tuck away the proof of him still living in my heart
Chorus
Jamie, you stayed, you stayed though you were breaking
Slept in my arms, but woke in someone else’s dream
I thought you loved me, and you did in all the aching
But some loves are a compass to a place we’ll never be
I couldn’t make you happy, I could only keep you warm
You carried through a winter I was never meant to thaw
Julia O’Hara
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About the Creator
Julie O'Hara - Author, Poet and Spiritual Warrior
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