It's Only Temporary

Confetti stuck in my hair,

Feeling like I’m finally free,

As if something was in the air,

Allowing myself to be me.

High-fiving the person to my right,

I feel so fucking seen,

To witness everyone expressed despite,

The masses trying to intervene.

I was high on the fun,

Nothin’ could bring me down,

’til my intrusive thoughts had begun,

Taking the 1 train uptown.

A heaviness grew inside my chest,

Something that I’ve felt before,

I can’t pretend anymore, I confessed,

As I stepped up to my door.

A piping hot shower,

temporarily numbs all the pain,

but it’s never enough, I thought,

Watching glitter go down the drain.

Wiping fog from my mirror,

looking myself dead in the eye,

I’ve never thought clearer,

as I plan out my goodbye.

Laying the perfect dress out,

with matching earrings for it too,

I’m suddenly flooded with self doubt,

what the hell am I going to do?

I thought I had it figured out,

My parents were so thrilled,

Taking the comfy Corporate route,

Except it won’t make me fulfilled,

Today was like a ray of sunshine,

That faded into gray,

Feeling like my life was finally mine,

Even though it’s beginning to fray.

I curl up in my queen-sized bed,

Hoping that sleep will bring me clues,

I couldn’t help but feel dread,

As I fear the only answers booze.