It Isn't Fair

It isn’t fair, right now, that you’re gone and

I’m here alone, left to pick up the pieces again.

*

I know I made my choices, hiding my shame

behind a self-imposed exile, working so hard

*

to reinvent myself when I didn’t even

realize who I was in the first place.

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And that wasn’t very fair to you, either.

I hope you were able to forgive me for that.

*

I hope you came to realize it wasn’t about you

and how you loved or didn’t love me, although

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the way you ended things wounded me in ways

I’d never felt before and have spent decades

*

trying to heal.

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I’ve been alone of my own accord, and that

has been revelatory all on its own. Took me

*

a long time to find peace and friendship with

my own Self, and realize I have been worthy

*

of care and love all this time, and the

only obstacle to that was Me, all these years.

*

But now you’re gone, and only now am I

capable of painting you this picture of me,

*

and I feel like that just isn’t fair at all.